The Dumbledark Knight
by mrhomestuck413
Summary: Dumbledore and Bruce Wayne have an unforgettable adventure. DC/Harry Potter crossover, but mostly Batman. Not for children. Do not show this to your children. Lots of heart, blood, soul, sweat, tears, and other fluids are going into this story. I hope you like it.
1. The Dick Knight

(Author's Note: I'm trying for a cold opening thing in this one. The next chapter will explain how they got here, but for now, read it as it is and wonder. Maybe discuss it with your book club.)

Dumbledore's shriveled, wizened shaft quivered as he thrust it into the Dark Knight's gaping rectum. "This is not the anus you need, Albus," grumbled Bruce, "but the one you deserve." The bearded old warlock paused a moment, disinserting himself from the multi-milionaire. He pulled a slender stick of wood from a fold in his robes. He pointed it at his organ and said in a commanding, stentorian voice, "_Penis engorgibus_." His dick became magically shrouded with a larger, silvery double, which he thrust with gusto again into the buttocks of Mr. Wayne. "NNGHNHGHNGHNGHN" growled the superhero, fondling his costume's nipples.

Suddenly, the door opened. A silver tray clattered to the ground. Alfred had walked in on Master Wayne- Master Wayne, who he'd reared almost as a son after those tragic murders- being penetrated by an elderly wizard.

"M-Master Bruce," Alfred gasped, his shaky hand creeping down towards his fly. The elderly butler pulled out his cock, just as shriveled as the wizard's but not quite as large, and began stroking it furiously. Dumbledore, still holding his wand, shot a burst of bright pink light at the butler. Immediately, he began belching slugs all over himself, squirming, mucusy invertebrates covering his body. He was more aroused than ever.

Alfred gathered the slugs toward his schlong, providing him with some much-needed lubrication. This is the closest he has ever gotten to feeling a vagina, as his life as a servant for the Wayne family deprived him of the chance to ever meet a woman.

Meanwhile, Bruce gasped as Dumbledore filled him with more man-mayo than one would think could fit in such a lean man. "Frottage time," he said as he flipped around and whipped out his dick. Albus gripped his and Bruce's cocks, and began stroking them both in unison. He tapped his dickhead with his wand, and it began to writhe and wrap itself around the Bat-dong in a manner similar to Alfred's slugs. The foreskin grew further still: soon all of Bruce's cock and balls were engulfed in Dumbledore's bellend.

Suddenly, the ancient warlock's loose, wrinkly dick-skin began to rotate around Bruce's member. It spun faster and faster until Bruce reached orgasm, at which point the end snapped tight around his genitals. Albus's foreskin filled with Bruce's thick semen as if it was a water balloon.

Dumbledore carefully slid the foreskin off of Bruce's dong and tied a knot in it, securing the baby batter. "There are some potions this is good for," he said absentmindedly to the exhausted multi-millionaire. "I'd work with Snape to get his supply, but he is impotent."

"I'm, hnngh, not surprised, ughhh," grunted Bruce, in ecstasy from his climax, "he always-" Bruce was interrupted by a splattering sound. He and Albus turned around to find Alfred ejaculating buckets of semen onto the floor. Alfred had not masturbated since Bruce's parents died.

"Alfred! For shame. You should have waited a moment for me to get my flask out," scolded Dumbledore, half-seriously. He magicked the semen into a small Mokeskin pouch that didn't look like it could hold the gallons upon gallons that had come from the butler.

"Is that, unghh, a bag of holding, Albus?" asked Alfred, pumping the last bits of semen from his abused shaft.

"Yes, of sorts, but it only works for semen. Us wizards don't really need unlimited space for anything else, so we never bothered to expand on the technology."  
"Marvelous," replied Alfred as he went to get a blanket to cover the immobile Batman that lay between them. Suddenly, the form of a muscular man in red-and-blue spandex burst through the window.

"Hey, Bruce!" called the somewhat autistic alien. "You wanna go to Panera Br-Jumpin' Jehosephat! What are you doing?" Superman, of course, has never encountered homosexuality before. "This can all be explained," said Dumbledore to the (apparently fallen) Kryptonian, "over some butterbeer in the Batcave."


	2. The Sorcerer's Stones

Dumbledore, Bruce, Alfred, and Clark Kent all sat at the dark ebony table, sipping the bottles Dumbledore had apparently thought to bring with him for this very purpose.

"So, Superman, you may be wondering what caused Mr. Wayne and I to become so... carnally linked."

"It all started this morning." Bruce explained. "I was at the grocery store, perusing the vegetable aisle for something I could fit in my anus, when suddenly I bumped into Albus."

"The sight of an old man with a long beard and robes in Gotham was one thing," said Bruce. "...But then I offered something else to fit in his anus," finished Dumbledore brightly.

"But, what about Robin?" Superman asked.  
"I knew he was going to cockblock me, so I told him to go find Batgirl and see if she needed anything."

"I see," said Superman. "So, that thing where you were doing, where you put his thing in your thing-" he pushed his two index fingers togetherm apparently attempting to mime the act of frottage- "what is that?" After a lengthy lecture and numerous diagrams, Superman spoke. "Ohh, I think I get it now." He paused, and turned to his friend. "Hey, can I try it with you, Bruce?"

Bruce paused for a moment, then began to reply. "Well..." Batman discreetly made a gesture to the wizard, indicating the disappointing size of Superman's member. Dumbledore nodded sagely, and then made an almost imperceptible flick of his wand. Instantaneously, mild mannered Clark Kent's pitiful dong turned from a shrunken sausage to a hulking scepter of meat.

"I think we can work something out." said Bruce, glancing at Supes' newly-engorged weiner. He grasped the Kryptonian cock, causing sensations Clark had not felt in a long time.

"I can't wait to post about this on the blo-bl-blo-OH MY!-blog," said Superman as his dong was massaged by the Batman. Albus slunk towards Clark, and slowly peeled off his spandex undies, giving Bruce much better access to the surprisingly humanoid alien genitals.  
Bruce whipped out his own ding-a-ling and rubbed it up and down Clark's.

Albus, not wanting to get in between the two friends (yet), turned to Alfred. "Round two?" he asked as he dropped his robes to the floor, exposing his immensely hairy body.

Dumbledore drew his wand out from a fold in his skin, wrinkled as a particularly wrinkly elephant, and pointed it at the shriveled beans of nipples on his chest. They turned into two more dicks. Alfred paused, intimidated by Dumbledore's three appendages. He considered not going through with it, but Albus forced his hand. A flick of the wizard's wand caused Alfred's suit to burst off of him, exposing his body, which is just as wrinkly as Dumbledore's.

On each of Dumbledore's penii a man bounced. Across the nipples, Batman and Superman docked their dongs as their prostates were poked by the esteemed magician's ancillary sex organs. Alfred dropped to his knees and began to fellate Albus, who stroked the butler's own appendage with his hairy, unwashed foot.

As the liver-spot-pocked butler licked up and down Dumbledore's magnificently ancient shaft, he began to feel ill. He started vomiting- but not ordinary vomit, not stomach acid or phlegm or any fluid ordinary to that biological device- but frog's eggs, which rapidly grew and hatched, covering the meeting table with croaking toads.

"Oh no," groaned Albus. "I think my wand's stuck in my ass and we're accidentally casting spells with it with the gyrations of our beautiful sex-music."

After Dumbledore butt-conjured both a dwarf orgy that evoked mysterious feelings of nostalgia and a curiously shaped, floating vibrator, he decided that he'd had enough. He motioned towards one of the toads, who promptly shoved himself up Dumbledore's asshole in search of the wand.

The amphibian soon reappeared to deliver the magical instrument, and prepared to hop onto the table. Dumbledore then gestured again to the toad, who understood immediately. The creature dropped Albus's wand into his hand, and then climbed back up into the wizard's anal cavity to provide pleasure in lieu of the wooden tool.

Meanwhile, Superman moaned in ectasy. "Mmmmmnnghghgh, I bet Jimmy Olsen would love this...!"

Bruce's cock twitched, considering going flaccid, but Bruce attempted to salvage the situation instead. "Shh..." he whispered, and began to messily kiss Clark, rubbing their stubble together.

Superman responded by rubbing back- rubbing with all the force an alien with heightened abilities of everything could muster. A small fire started from the friction. "It looks like things are getting too HOT," laughed Alfred before he looked out the window to see the Bat-Signal projected onto a cloud.

"Oh dear," groaned Dumbledore, out of both ecstacy and disappointment, "should you go get that?"

"Hnngh, don't worry about it. I'm sure, ughh, Robin will take care of it," Bruce replied, adequately confident in his young ward's skills.

"Let's hope so, Master WaynENEAAUAUGUHA_HGHAGAHAGAHAGAH_!" said Alfred, suddenly gripped by the mighty hand of orgasmic pleasure.


	3. Batman and Throbbin'

The stout, hook-nosed man cackled evilly as he tossed aside the now-spent clingfilm roll.  
"Great Googly Moogly, Batgirl!" shouted Robin, "we are _entirely wrapped in clingfilm_!"  
"I can't move! Oh, you've got to do something, Robin!" wailed Batgirl.  
"I know!" said the Boy Wonder as he writhed helplessly. "I'll get a batarang from my- wait, no, Batman has batarangs. Uh..." Suddenly, our young hero had an idea. "Oh, I know! I'll use my staff!"  
"What? Now's not the time for that, Robin!" shrieked Batgirl, secretly wishing it was the time for that.  
"No, I'm sure it will work!" said Robin as he reached for his bo staff.  
"O-oh..." pouted the female, now understanding her mistake. Robin attempted to break the clingfilm with his pole, but the plastic sheeting wouldn't budge.

"Now," sneered the Penguin, "I'll call the Comissioner to demand a ransom!" He reached for the phone- a novelty hamburger phone, of course- and began to dial.  
"Hey. Yeah. Yeah, I got Robin again. And his girlfriend, or something. Yeah. 20,000 sounds good. Yeah, ok. And don't go putting up the bat-sign-oh, I see it. Yeah, fuck you too."  
The bird-themed maniac slammed down the reciever and then fiddled with it until it sat properly. "Chinese piece of garbage," he muttered. "Nye heh heh! Do you know what I'm going to do with you now?"  
"Y-you're going to m-molest us?" Batgirl cried, hopeful.

"_What_? No! I-I was going to rough you up a bit! Jesus!"  
"Golly gee," said Robin, "This sure is a dilly of a pickle we're in right now! If only Batman were here to-"  
His words were punctuated by a the double-doors of the warehouse slamming open to reveal a horrifying daisy-chain of anal sex lurching slowly forward, driven from the very back by a muscular man wearing a bat cowl.  
"_HNNGAH_, not so f-FAST, Peng-_UNNGH_-uin!"

"What the _FUCK_," shouted the Penguin, barely able to comprehend what he was witnessing.  
"Great galloping gorillas, Batman! Who's these people with you and Alfred?" cried Robin.  
"I-it's Dumbledore and Superman!" moaned Batgirl, slowly becoming wet at the sight of the heroic gay orgy.

"Gee willickers! You sure look a lot like that Clark Kent fellow without your supersuit, Superman!"

"N-no, I -_URGH_\- don't!" quickly replied Clark Kent.  
"This glu-bricant is handy in situations like this," said Dumbledore, gesturing at his dick in Alfred's ass and Superman's in his own. "Now, what's the trouble?" he said sagely.

(AN: Sorry for the short chapter. I've been busy.)


	4. The Order of the Penis

"Well, I've tied up Robin and Batgirl," said the Penguin. "Usually this is the part where Batman tries to kill me, and then I try to kill him, and it all goes to shit."

"Oh, Batman," Batgirl whined, "You have to save us!"

"No, no I got it! Just- Just give me a second!" barked the Boy Wonder, fiddling with his tool belt.

Out he drew a tiny smoke grenade and a pair of children's safety scissors. "I'll drop the grenade for cover and cut the clingfilm so we can escape!"

He dropped the grenade and the room filled, rapidly, with thick, murky smoke.

"Oh _Jesus_!" the Penguin hacked out between coughs, "What the hell did you do?"

From somewhere in the smog there was the sound of Robin struggling with the scissors and the clingfilm. "Yes! I'm gonna- gnh- save the day!" From elsewhere in the smog there was the wet sound of several men fucking in a row.

"I think- I think I've got it!"

A ripping noise reverberated through the room, causing the man train to stop. The smoke slowly dissipated to reveal Robin had torn through Batgirl's cape and cut off his shirt.

His stomach, bare and lean, gleamed with sweat, which slowly moved down his chest and into the tiny dents that marked where his ribs were- Robin was a skinny young man. Elsewhere, Dumbledore led the fucktrain between the Penguin and his captives to propose a solution.

"Well, we've got all we need for a good time. We've got handsome men and cling film. I feel that the best way to settle this is with some good ol' _meat magic_." He pointed his wand at the Penguin, whose clothes were suddenly replaced with sparse leather straps, at the men behind him, who unstuck from each others' anuses (still entirely erect), and at his own turgid member, which grew an extra few inches in length and girth.

"Holy shit!" squawked the newly leathered Penguin, "I'm not- I'm not fucking gay!" The supervillain wasn't fooling anyone.

"Don't deny it," murmured Bruce as he approached his enemy. The Penguin tried to resist as Bruce ran his hands over the fetish gear.

Meanwhile, Batgirl remained silent, transfixed by the sight of Dumbledore's ancient wizard penis. Robin, on the other hand, was still fiddling with the clingfilm and only managing to tear more of his clothes off.

Finally, the Penguin gave up and allowed for his primal urges to win over him. "Batman! I want you_ inside me_." He turned and presented his anus, held open by his hands. Bruce grinned.

Superman approached the Boy Wonder, now covered more in clingfilm than in clothing. "Want some help, pal?"

"Oh, please, thanks!" cried Robin. Superman tore open the clingfilm with his erect, Kryptonian dong, and then he and Robin stumbled into a sweaty heap.

Without a muscular, naked hero to catch her, Batgirl landed nearby on the cold floor. Dumbledore looked from Batgirl, to the group, and back again. He shrugged, strutted over to the female, and picked her up off the ground.

"Are you alright?" the wizard asked.

Batgirl looked up longingly at the wrinkled, hairy face that towered over her. "I-I'm fine."

Batgirl's eyes caught the massive, wrinkled bratwurst that hung below the bearded face, with two pendulous testicles hanging behind it, dwarfed by the elephantine shaft.

"If you'd like a lick," offered Dumbledore, "have at it."

Batgirl hesitated momentarily before pressing her face against the wizard's alabaster pubes and sniffing his paleolithic musk. She pulled away from Dumbledore's thick man-rug and stared at the turgid, liver-spotted member that stood before her. Slowly, Batgirl stuck her tongue out and dragged it against the wizard's throbbing mast.

Elsewhere, Alfred approached Bruce- who was currently balls-deep in Penguin ass- and decided to see if his pecker could fit in the avian anus as well. The Penguin made a funny little sound as the second member entered him, a sound not unlike a balloon being squeaked loudly.

"_AHNGH_! A-Alfred, you bastard!" Penguin wailed, trying desperately to hide the fact that this was his exact fetish. Batman swatted the Penguin's burger phone to the ground. The villain tried to complain about his damaged telephone, but his cries were cut short by the sensation of being slammed onto the table where the phone once sat.

Somewhere along the way, a naked foot in the throes of lust pressed the buttons on the phone and set off its speed-dial. As the Penguin moaned in ecstasy, as Batgirl polished the wizened old wizard's staff, and as Superman and Robin wrestled passionately, the phone rang.

On the other end, a purple-gloved hand picked it up.

The glove's owner spoke. "I thought I told you not to call me at this hour, Penguin. _Penguin_? Penguin, is that you? What is that... noise?" The voice paused, groaned and slammed the receiver.

"Nehhhh. He's probably got himself in trouble with Batman again." The Joker frowned. "I'd better help him out." He turned to the woman in the red and black nightgown on his bed. "Harley, if I'm not back in the morning, come to Arkham to help me break out again."

As the man dressed in purple approached the door, though, he was stopped- an black shape on a broomstick was tapping his window.

The man in purple turned to the window and squinted. "Oh, it's you," he sneered, and walked towards the window. Unlatching the window, he called out, "What are you doing here? I'm a bit busy."

The floating shape pushed past the flamboyantly-dressed man and hovered in the room. "Joker," he muttered, "I need a favor."

"_Hrmm_..." the Joker thought, "_I guess the Penguin's gonna have to wait_."


	5. The Clown Prick of Crime

The Joker inspected the tall, dark figure who was standing in his bedroom holding a broom. He had dark hair that was greasy and slightly too long, and a hooked nose that reminded one of an irate stork.

Finally, the Joker spoke. "Severus, what brings you back to Gotham at this hour of night?"

Severus Snape swallowed and answered, "Do you remember that problem I was having last time?

"Yes," replied the Joker, sneering, "You couldn't get your d-"

"Joker," Snape said, "Can we discuss this somewhere a little more..." Snape gestured towards Harley, who was still sitting on the bed, confused by the conversation. "...Private?"

Harley, get out!"

The Joker pressed a large red button behind the nightstand. In an instant the bed turned up and dumped the young woman dressed in red and black onto the ground.

Rubbing her surely bruised rear, Harley whined, "Aww, come on, puddin'!"

The Joker pointed to the door. "Out. Now!"

"Can't I at least watch?"

The Joker frowned. "What makes you think there'll be something to see, anyway?"

He turned back to Snape. "Listen, just because that old codger you work for can't fix your weiner wipe-out doesn't mean you have to come crying to me about it!"

Snape pleaded, "Joker, I know you have something you can do. What about what you did for the Riddler?"

"How do you know about that?" the Joker stammered.

"Word travels fast." A sly grin crossed Snape's face. "And if you don't want it to travel faster, you're going to help me."

Alright, alright! Geez. I've got something that might help you, it's an old stand-by of mine. The boner thing is a happy side effect to a happy little drug."

He drew a hypodermic needle filled with a bubbly, neon-green liquid from his bedside table. He turned back to Snape.

"Get on the bed and take off your pants."

Snape sat down on the edge of the bed and slid his trousers off. Between two hairy legs hung a shape not dissimilar to an acorn and two raisins.

"_Eugh_," thought the Joker, "_I'd rather take Two-Face's... thing over this_." The Joker bent down on one knee and inserted the needle into Snape's severely lacking package.

"What the fu-"

Snape's cry faded as the Joker-Venom entered his member. He began to chuckle uncontrollably. He looked down at his tiny, pallid micropenis and saw it was standing at attention for the first time in months.

"But _wait_!" shouted the Joker as he put something from his coat pocket around his fingers. "To make sure it _STICKS_, to truly Frankenstein your little ballpark frank, I'm going to need to use this joy buzzer."

In between laughs, Snape choked out, "Wh-what are you going to do with-" He was interrupted by the sensation of the Joker's gloved hand gripping his prick and the prolonged electrical jolt that followed. Snape cried out in both pain and pleasure as he began to ejaculate, something he hadn't experienced for a very long time.

"There we _GO_!" cried the Joker. He prodded the still-erect chode. "I know where you can put this!"

He turned around and dropped his drawers, revealing his pasty white ass.

Snape chuckled, this time of his own volition and not due to the serum. "I thought your face was just makeup!"

"Shut up!" the Joker snapped back, "I haven't said anything about _YOUR_ body, have I? Now, that serum is expensive, and the least you could do is fuck me as payment."

"What's wrong with my body?" Snape asked. Fed up, the Joker sat down onto Snape's weiner and took it into his ass. Snape winced on entry as the joy buzzer had singed his shaft a little, but the pain was soon soothed.

Across the room- apparently forgotten- Harley Quinn watched with interest.

Snape rocked the bed slowly as the Joker rode him, moaning loudly. They were pressed together so tightly, with Snape's dick firmly in the Joker's anus, that Snape couldn't see Joker's member. Still, he felt it jab him in the chest and felt the shaft run through his chest hair.

Snape pulled back slightly to look at the Joker's massive appendage. He immediately pressed back to the Joker's chest when he saw the clown face tattooed on the head.

The Joker sat up on Snape's lap, his dong sticking out at a 45 degree angle to his chest. He moaned with ecstasy for what seemed like a century, bouncing up and down with the chode in his butthole, until finally he achieved climax.

He groaned loudly enough to awaken the people in the next apartment over and ejaculated on Snape's face. Snape wiped it from his eye to see that the head of the Joker's penis had leaped forward on a spring, some perverse body modification illustrating his dedication to clowniness.

"Joker," Snape mused, "You are one _weird_ motherfucker."

"Oh, shut up and kiss me." The Joker gripped Snape's head and wrapped their lips together. Their tongues messily boxed and swapped saliva and the Joker's semen between the intertwined mouths. Their lingual mania mixed spit with jizz, and jizz with spit, and spit with jizz again: but already it was impossible to say which was which.

Across the room, Harley ogled. She had never seen that spring! What else about the Joker did she not know?

Unnoticed, she crept out of the apartment and down the road. She knew just who to ask for the relationship advice she so direly needed.


	6. The Chamber of Secretions

The warehouse was now filled with the exhausted, sweaty bodies of the seven orgygoers. Puddles of fluid lined the ground. Alfred was the first to return to his feet, followed shortly by Robin.

Clark attempted to rise next but quickly slipped on a puddle of semen. As Robin helped the Kryptonian up, Bruce stood on shaky legs. The Penguin, however, refused to get up, instead lying under the table and quietly sobbing.

The eldest of the men, that ancient warlock, picked himself up and stood an inch or two above the others. He paused for a moment, considering how to word his next proclamation, before speaking.

"I must confess, I have a reason to be in Gotham other than anal sex. A mission I think that you all may be able to help with, considering your unique skill-sets."

"Fuck off!" shouted the Penguin from under the table, which earned him a kick in the ribs. As he sulked, the rest of the managerie of heroes stood around the mage, eager to assist in his plans.

"We'll do whatever we can to help!" shouted Robin triumphantly, his dick swinging as he saluted Albus.

"So, er, what's your mission?" asked Clark.

"Well, it's a little hard to explain without knowing the reasons for it. I could tell you, but why, when I could show you?"

Albus reached into his robes, which were lying on the ground. He found a little mokeskin bag, reached into it, and withdrew a concrete dish about the size of a dinner plate and a vial of silvery liquid. He placed the dish on the table and poured the liquid into it.

"What is it?" asked Bruce.

"I think it's a pensieve," replied Batgirl, mystified.

Before their very eyes, visions of a time long past flashed in the mirror.

Bruce put his face into the pensieve and suddenly found himself falling through, landing roughly on a hard brick ground lit only by torches. Behind him fell Batgirl, then Alfred and Clark, then Robin, and finally Dumbledore.

"Welcome to Hogwarts," said Dumbledore with a flourish. "The dungeons."

"Hrmm..."

The group looked up to see the Penguin, fully dressed and floating to the ground with his umbrella.

"Penguin, I thought you weren't coming," Alfred called to the villain, astonished.

"Ehh," the Penguin sneered back, "I don't have much else to do."

"Excellent!" cheered Dumbledore, clapping his hands together, "Now come along. You all must see this."

The tiny window they had fallen through winked away into the darkness. Bruce worried for a moment how they would return to Gotham, but was suddenly distracted by a sound from a room down the hallway. Behind a locked door there was the sound of a thick, sweaty slapping, and the voices of two men.

Dumbledore, still naked, led the group to the door and passed through it like a ghost. The others followed and found themselves in a dank, dark classroom, with dusty books and vile, bubbling liquids on one end and empty desks through the other. The conspicuous exception to the emptiness were the naked forms of a middle-aged man with a small, dark beard and a boy of about 18 entwined in the throes of buttfucking.

"Oh, wow," whispered Clark before covering his mouth, afraid that he'd be noticed.

Dumbledore chuckled. "Don't worry," he said, "They can't hear you."

"Albus," Bruce began, "That man there..."

"Yes?"

"He looks like... You."

"_Ha_!" the Penguin interjected, "So you dragged us all the way in here to show us one of your sexual escapades with a student?"

"Not quite," the wizard replied calmly, "Keep watching."

The younger Dumbledore pumped with youthful gusto, ramming the student harder and harder. Each screamed with delight. After a moment the boy flipped onto his back, and presented his still-erect wang to the professor for tongue-polishing. The older Dumbledore looked pleased for a moment, but then turned warily to the door.

Young Dumbledore's tongue went up and down the erect penis, each rotation bringing it closer and closer to climax. The student began to moan with delight. "Albus... _Albus_...!"

Just as the youth ejaculated the door burst open, thrown from its hinges. Through it entered a third mighty snake: this one weighing several tons and easily 10 meters long. The room was now populated by the two lovers, the naked heroes (unseen), and a basilisk.

Shocked at the sight of the giant serpent, the young Albus immediately yanked his head away from the boy's member, summarily ruining his orgasm. "Good God!" shouted the wizard professor, "Tom, what is that thing doing in here?"

"Tom?" whispered Batgirl, but the elder Dumbledore remained silent and directed her to keep watching.

"I-I thought she could join in," the boy muttered, a little embarassed.

The enormous snake approached the two men. "Don't worry," confided the smaller one who was apparently named Tom. "She won't petrify you unless I tell her to."

Young Albus looked skeptically at the basilisk. "But where are we supposed to put our dicks?"

Tom smirked. He whispered something in an arcane tongue to the oversized reptile, and without another word she immediately wrapped her tongue around Albus's cock. The coiled tongue stroked the wizard's shaft while the forked tip teased his head.

"Oh my..." groaned Albus. Not wanting to leave her master out, she raised her tail in the air and presented her cloaca to the boy while she was performing on Dumbledore.

The snake curved in such a way that Dumbledore and Tom could look each other in the eye as they fucked her. The serpentine tongue constricted the older wizard's staff gently, while to the back the younger wizard pumped faster and faster into the egghole. The basilisk hissed with delight; Dumbledore moaned; Tom grunted rhythmically.

Observing the spectacle, the older Dumbledore's hand gripped the dong below it. He began jerking off in his own memory.

The rest of the group, seeing their leader's approval, began to masturbate as well. In fact, Batgirl had been fingering herself since before the basilisk appeared. The Penguin, however, remained still, leaning against the wall and pretending to be disgusted. He definitely wasn't turning away, though.

Tom, in his ecstasy, gripped his serpent's tail and began to fellate it as if it were a cock. This new sensation surprised the basilisk, and her tongue tightened around Albus's cock even more.

She felt the massive schlong inside her begin to thrust slightly more slowly, deliciously so, teasing her with every ounce of titilation it so greedily hoarded. At the same time the sensation of Tom's tongue on the tip of her tail drove her nearer and nearer to climax, pushing her slowly but loudly to the brink.

Finally, from somewhere far above them, a clock chimed twelve times, loudly enough to almost startle the spectators out of their self-immolation. On the eleventh chime Tom and Dumbledore each began to cum, twitching delightedly and letting out sighs of relief and pleasure. The next second, on the twelfth chime, the basilisk achieved climax and begain to seizure majestically, flailing through rows and rows of desks and squirting a great amount across the floor, letting out a hiss like a pot of boiling water poured onto an ice sculpture.

The serpent's ejaculation streaked across the air, showering everyone in the group (sans the Penguin, who protected himself with his umbrella). For those who hadn't already reached orgasm, the feeling of that reptile's sex fluid splattering across their face and into their mouths drove them right over the edge. Soon there was a large puddle of jizz soaking into the floorboards in front of the group.

For some time, the younger Albus, Tom, and the basilisk lied on the ground, resting in the afterglow. Eventually, Dumbledore stood to his feet. He scratched his beard, wondering how they would repair the desks their serpentine lay had smashed.

Suddenly, someone else entered the room. The burliest 14 year old anybody had ever seen lumbered through the doorway where the basilisk had crashed through.

"Rubeus, why are you down here in the middle of the night? You're supposed to be in your house's common area."

"Well, perfessor Dumbledore, I was doing yer transfiguration homework and wasn't sure if you meant fer us to use the Aguamenti charm, or th- what're you doing in the dungeons, anyway?"

"Well, I've been fucking Tom and his snake thing here."

Rubeus looked past Dumbledore and spied Tom, whose member was sticking straight in the air and beginning to deflate. The basilisk was still writhing next to the young student, a mixture of squirt and semen slowly dribbling out of her cloaca. "Ha!" said the stocky student standing before Albus, "He any good?"

The professor chuckled. "Not bad, no. Now, you go back to your dormitory. I'll assist you with your homework tomorrow. Right now, we need to clean up this mess."

"Heh, I c'n see. Oh, by the way, er, are we still on fer Saturd'y?"

"Of course!" Dumbledore patted his student on the shoulder. Rubeus smiled, and headed out of the classroom. Dumbledore watched him leave, and turned around to find Tom, fully alert and staring him in the eyes.

"What did he mean, 'on for Saturday? What are you and Hagrid doing?'" Tom asked with a jealous tone.

Dumbledore laughed. Realizing Tom was serious, he said, "Tom, I've fucked hundreds of students here. Didn't you know that?"

_"What!_?" Tom drew his wand. "I thought this was special! I _thought_-" he shot a burst of flame from the tip, which Dumbledore ducked to avoid- "we were _fucking_-" a turquoise burst flew past Dumbledore's head and hit the wall, leaving a scorch- "from the _HEART_!"

He punctuated this last syllable with a bright green flash of light, which knocked a bookshelf over.

Suddenly the merriment was gone from Dumbedore's eye. "You are not to use the Killing Curse, Tom. I'm sorry if you misunderstood our relationship."

"Fuck you, Albus!" Tom shrieked. He turned to the basilisk and barked another arcane command to it. The serpent pulled herself out of her languor and slithered over to Dumbledore. He braced himself for the worst, but then she wrapped her reptilian lips around his member and began to blow him. "No, you damn snake, I didn't mean- UGHHH!" Fed up, Tom grabbed his clothes and ran out of the room. Pointing at Albus, he cried, "You'll pay for this you fucking slut!"

The serpent looked apologetically at the wizard she was currently sucking on and shrugged, as much as a creature with no shoulders can shrug. Dumbledore nodded, understanding. She released Albus' member and hurried after her master.

Suddenly the scene began to lose focus and blur; after a moment Bruce, Alfred, Clark, Robin, Batgirl, the Penguin, and Albus found themselves standing again in the abandoned warehouse, now with even more semen on the ground.

"And that," said Dumbledore simply, "is how I managed to sex someone into being the most feared dark wizard of all time."

"_Holy Hypnotists_!" Robin exclaimed, "You mean that boy was..."

"He who should not be named?" finished Batgirl.

"The very same," Dumbledore replied, "And now, let me tell you about our mission."


End file.
